Walk across Palomar’s campus and you’ll see couples, groups of friends and plenty of students keeping to themselves. But behind those everyday scenes, some students say dating in college has become harder to define and even harder to sustain.
At Palomar, students describe a dating culture shaped by busy schedules, short campus timelines and changing ideas about commitment. From staying off dating apps to navigating hookups and situationships, students say modern college romance can feel more complicated than expected.
SINGLE ON CAMPUS, BUT WHY?
Some students say one reason dating feels more complicated is that fewer people are relying on dating apps to meet someone in the first place.
Seventy-nine percent of surveyed college students said that they aren’t on dating apps, or that they go on them less than once a month, according to a 2023 study from Axios and Generation Lab.
Palomar student Naomi Howard avoids them altogether, preferring in-person connection over what she sees as the uncertainty and risks of online dating.
“I find it hard to date as a college student because there are so many different types of people out there, and so many of us have different opinions and values. It’s hard to find someone who has the same ones as you. And some people you do meet you don’t see next semester, and it’s just overall really difficult,” Howard said.
With Palomar being a two-year college, it can make the dating scene harder. When you’re coming in and meeting someone in class, it could be the last time you’re seeing them because they’re either transferring or leaving the college.
For some, dating is already difficult enough, and adding apps to the mix makes it harder. Howard chooses to stay off them not only because she hasn’t heard the best things about them, but because she would rather meet them in person.
“I’ve never used them, and I don’t plan on it … I don’t think it’s safe, and I just don’t think it’s the right choice for me. I’ve heard very negative things about dating apps because of the fact that a lot of the people I know have met terrible people on there or creeps. I prefer meeting in person because it’s just so much easier to get to know them and because you’re not on a screen,” Howard said.
Hook-up Culture
Dating apps aren’t the only reason why dating is hard in college. Hook-up culture is another reason it can feel more difficult. It can be very challenging to balance your time between school, work and being in a relationship.
Many students may turn to hookups because of their convenience and low-commitment nature.
Claire McLaughlin, who is a dual enrollment high school and Palomar student, is not a fan of hook-up culture.
“I see it more in college than I do high school … I don’t like hook-up culture, I’m more for the old school type of stuff. Going on dates and having fun with each other, not just there for the physical side of it,” McLaughlin said.
Though some may be against hook-up culture, there are also those that are all for it.
A Palomar student who asked to be referred to as Chet Baker feels that it’s up to the person’s to decide if they want to be involved with a hook-up.
“I don’t have any issues with hook-up culture. I think people suppress their drives for whatever reasons, most of their lives, and they don’t have anything to show for it once their life is over. So I think if you have the drive to go experience some sort of intimate connection, even if it’s only momentary, I think you should go do that,” Baker said.
Seventy-two percent of students were involved in hook-ups by the time they were seniors in college, according to a 2020 study from the National Library of Medicine (NLM).
Students were across the spectrum when it came to preferring hook-ups over relationships. Eighty-nine percent of students were motivated by physical pleasure and 54% chose to hook-up for emotional reasons.
Hook-up culture has been a split topic for a while, and there are mixed opinions on whether people should or shouldn’t do it. Some people prefer having someone they don’t have to commit to, while others prefer to dedicate their time to a relationship.
MORE THAN FRIENDS, JUST NOT OFFICIAL
On social media, being in a “situationship” has become a very common thing, primarily among Gen Z. A situationship is when two people are in a relationship with no official label or end date.
Like hook-up culture, many choose to get involved in a situationship because there is no level of commitment required.
There aren’t any rules on how it should be, but rather just a loose agreement between two people.
Howard has been in a couple of situationships and feels they often lack happy endings.
“I believe situationships are difficult for everyone involved. Since not only are they fake love, but most of the time they never work out anyway,” Howard said. “It’s like you’re leading someone on, and falling off a cliff. I have sadly been in this situation many times and it never ends well. I wish I could say I am for them, but I know deep down I should not be because all they do is cause more pain than good.”
This type of relationship can be hard to navigate, and social media doesn’t make it easier. Like Howard, students may find themselves in one regardless of if they get into it on purpose.
Even with so much talk about them on social media and among college students, some students don’t necessarily prioritize situationships.
“I’m not for them or against them. I think it’s just when two people can’t really come to a conclusion on what they truly want with one another,” Baker said.
There are many reasons why someone might want to be in a situationship over an actual relationship. Some might get into them because of commitment issues, hoping that it will develop into something more, or even just being scared of abandonment.
Nevertheless, being in this kind of dynamic is not for everyone.
“I don’t like them … everyone just doesn’t want to put in effort and likes imagining relationships instead. But of course, I do find myself in this same boat, just because it’s so normal and I get nervous,” McLaughlin said.
As Palomar students navigate dating apps, hookups and situationships, many say the biggest challenge is not just meeting someone — it’s finding clarity. In a college environment shaped by time limits, social media and changing expectations, dating can feel more complicated than ever.